Living in a house with 6 girls + working in an office of vibrant and lively females (keeping in line a bunch of rowdy men) + spending almost every free moment with a best friend you
rarely absolutely never get tired of = days and months (sometimes years) of never really being alone.
Last week I was blessed to go on a staff retreat with honestly the best staff team a girl could ask for. I didn’t have many expectations for the few days nor had I put much thought into what could come from a retreat. To be honest- sitting still, alone, or quiet scares me. When I was little my dad would taking me hunting or fishing and would end up never taking me back because I was terrible at doing all three of those things- being still, quiet, & alone- the epitome of those activities. Needless to say this has been a struggle my whole life, but only recently has the Lord shown me how it is effecting my relationship with Him and growing myself.
I have been told several times “you do so much fun stuff” or “how do you find all these free things to do?”. My unspoken answer… fear-driven googling. Fear of what I might learn about myself. Fear that I will lose control. Fear that when I sit and rest, I will be asked to do something by God that I might be hesitant to say yes. If I am busy then I don’t have to say yes, right? (hmmm not sure if He works like that).
It is easier to be busy and preoccupied than it is to be still and rest. I am realizing the effects of my restlessness though. When challenged last week at retreat to take time to ourselves, I couldn’t remember the last time I did that.
On the way from Asheville to Easley I decided why wait to plan a personal retreat at a later date, why not just take one during my road trip home. I knew I needed to be in Easley at a certain time to see my momma (we don’t mess with those plans) but I figured I had a few hours to spare. In attempts to find an escape, I just figured getting lost in a mountain town I would land upon a hidden getaway. Oh boy did I ever.
Because I know I will fill my time with pointless busy work, I am excited to block out (not schedule or plan) time each month to pull away from all forms of social life & media. Looking forward to what God wants to impress on my heart during this time, and might just share a little of that here. 🙂
“My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.” -Psalm 62:1-2