In this season, I choose joy. Daily I am washing my soul in this. This season of frustration, blessings, illness, pain, laughter, separation, tears, and constant “why’s”.. I choose joy. I have never been in a place where so many constants have become unpredictable. I have also never been in a place where I have needed to trust and believe that God is good. He is good, even when I don’t understand or see the blessing in His timing. He is good, even when I am hurting, He is good, even when I feel everything is out of my control and reach. He is good.
The past few months have been some of the hardest but sweetest I have ever experienced. Although in many ways I feel numb to different events, I also deeply feel the gentle wreckage God has allowed in my life so I would draw closer to Him. I am entering a place (adulthood, yippee) where you become aware of people hurting. A place where your parents talk to you like an adult and don’t need to sugarcoat situations. This place of waking up with a heavy heart daily for friends that are physically and spiritually sick. Let’s be honest, this place sucks. But it’s real.
I know since the fall of adam and eve there has been pain and suffering in the world because of the sin that separates us from a Holy God, but for many years I lived blissfully unaware of the depth of hurt. I would never go back to my innocent utopia, for it is in this place that I see how desperately the world needed Jesus to come and die on the cross. It is in this place that I pray God is working. Recently I met with a sweet friend who has a family member fighting cancer. She said “I would never wish cancer on him. But if the choice was healthy and not walking with God, or cancer and walking with God- I would choose cancer.” I believe it is in this place where you truly surrendered your will for others to God, and simply plea- whatever it takes, Lord.
In this place, I choose joy. Because sometimes, it has to be chosen and might not come easy. Whenever I am in that place and I choose joy, it is crying out to the world that my hope doesn’t lie in the easy or the comfortable. My hope lies in the one that loves all and sustains all. I choose joy, because He chose to come die for me. I choose joy.
Instead of focusing on the reasons for needing to choose joy today, I am going to focus on the things I am thankful for today:
1) my family- miles apart but always there
2) my best friend- for making me smile
3) a job that I get to play Just Dance 3
4) Honey Mustard Chicken- long searched for since the move to NC (I bought 10 boxes)
5) trees changing
6) new music- Steve Moakler (amazing)
7) amazing roommates in the Purple House
Praying wherever you are at today, whether joy is coming easy or you are stiff-arming it a mile away- choose it. Choose joy.